2010 has been a year of holding on. After all the losses and letting go in 2009, I couldn't handle another year of letting go. I still miss my grandpa and even though it's been more than a year since he passed away, i'd give anything for just one more day with him. I don't think I'll ever really let go of him.
When I was diagnosed with diabetes, he sat in the bathroom in our old house and prayed that I would be ok. He claimed an angel appeared to him and promised him I'd be okay. When he was dying in the hospital, I prayed and begged that the same angel would appear to me and tell me he was going to be ok. But it didn't happen. When I am busy and not thinking about it I do okay, then when life slows down and things are quiet, I struggle. Grandpa was the one I turned to for everything; successes, failures, heartache and triumph, he was always there for me. I don't know how to function without him to turn to.
I'm not ready to let go yet, I don't know if i'll ever be.